Sunday, July 12, 2009

Me, the seasonal single mom

Supreme Summer SunsetImage by _setev via Flickr

I am very lucky to have been married for nearly 13 years.

As all marriages, we have had our good, our bad and our worst moments, but mainly it has been a great decision to share our lives with each other.

We got married believing firmly that we were meant to be with each other for the rest of our lives. We have tried to fulfill such believe.

Five years ago, we bought a second home in another Country. We bought it knowing that we would be spending here as much time as we could, giving our children the possibility to experience, first hand, the way of life of other people, to broaden their horizons, to learn a new language.

At the begining, it was very difficult for me to be with three children under the age of 4 by myself for long periods of time. My mom came and my dh tried to spend more time with us.

Now that our children are 8, 7 and 6 years old, things are easier for me as a mom. But it is begining to be difficult for me as a wife to see my husband come for a weekend every two weeks and leave again.

I know that he has to work hard. His job and his expertise at it, is what allows us to have the life style we have. I don't earn a penny, no matter if I teach or not, my salary is an embarrassment to all salaries. I know that his job is only possible in our Country and that is why he has to go back... but still, it is hard not to be with him.

Don't get me wrong, it is not only the intimacy thing here. When we are at home, he is dad and I am mom and we do our best to raise the kids. He goes to work early in the morning and comes back to have lunch with us and then gets back at night. I get up early, very early. Get the kids ready for school, drive them and then all the things we SAHM do. I also do my volunteer work at home. I go to pick up the kids, drive home for lunch, help them with their homework, oversee their computer time, their TV time, their Wii time, see they eat well, get them to bed and wait for my dh to arrive home.

While we are here though, things are different. We have a routine when dh is not here: we get up, eat breakfast, the kids help me with their beds and dirty laundry, drive the kids to daycamp, get back, get lunch started, do some housework, go pick the kids back, get home, have a late lunch - early dinner, see that they get a shower at least, watch some TV together, do some summer homework, go to bed.

When my husband comes home it is like Christmas in July: no routine, no order, no helping with house chores, unmade beds, eating outside, going very late to bed, toys everywhere.

It is not that I am complaining about the mess, I am grateful for the kids' mess. I am grateful that he comes for a weekend.

Still, this is not the way I like my life to be. I am a summer single mom and I don't like it at all. I want my family together, everyday.

I know we made this choice together, but it is hard not to be together.
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