When in doubt...

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There is a principle in moral and ethics that states: "when in doubt, don't act".

I have found to exceptions to this principle. Both in Canon Law, regarding the Sacraments of Baptism and Anointment of the Sick.

If there is the slightest possibility that the person who will receive the Sacrament is dead, it is better to administer the sacrament instead of not doing so.

I believe that the same exception applies to compassion.

If you think that the person needs your support, please reach out. It is better to be told not to do so, or that there is no need to be compassionate, than leave a needed person alone.

When working with bereaved parents, we are trained to watch their body language and look for the signs to approach them in a more personal level.

In my experience, a hug is always better than leaving them alone. If you are not comfortable hugging, maybe you could reach out squeezing their arm or patting their back.

When in doubt, never, ever leave someone in pain by themselves.

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Center for Loss and Trauma - MISS Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

November 16, 2009

CONTACT: Dr. Joanne Cacciatore: 602.574.1000 or Katherine Sandler: 480.861.7511

MISS Foundation Helps Traumatized Families in the Center for Loss and Trauma

Phoenix, Arizona (November 16, 2009) --- The MISS Foundation, through the Center for Loss and Trauma, is opening their doors to help families suffering traumatic loss. Traumatic experiences traverse culture, ethnicity, socioeconomic class, religion, and region. No one is exempt.In the midst of such psychological despair, there is a sense of grief that cannot be explained or described or captured or contained.

The Center for Loss and Trauma is one place where compassionate psychotherapy, counseling, and research can occur, as well as the bridging of vitally important supportive resources to help families in need. Located in North Phoenix, this unique center specializes in providing services to those affected by traumatic experiences, death, grief, and various types of loss. The Center for Loss and Trauma also serves military families, those coping with the death of a child, bereaved families, those affected by natural and mass disasters, victims of crime, families going through divorce or separation, and those suffering reproductive losses.

The mission of center is to C.A.R.E. for the most vulnerable members of society by providing highly specialized, expert counseling to those affected by traumatic loss; advocatingwith others so they may find hope, healing, and happiness in the aftermath of trauma; providing a place where compassionate research can occur; and educating individuals and society at large about the experiences of the bereaved. Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, LMSW and CEO, is a researcher and an expert family and individual therapist in the field of traumatic death and bereavement. James Jones, LMSW, is a Vietnam veteran and specialist in PTSD. Kathy Crowley, LCSW, has extensive experience working with individuals with chronic illness, abuse, and family stress.

The Center for Loss and Trauma also houses the MISS Foundation, a non-profit family bereavement organization, which offers free services to bereaved parents and siblings.Psychotherapy is provided on a sliding scale basis to those in need.

Dr. Cacciatore passionately explains, “Society’s only appropriate response is offer unconditional support and compassionate care so that one day, having been upheld and cared for, those who have suffered from such trauma can reach out their hand to help another. It is the only way to truly heal."

For more information or to schedule an appointment at The Center for Loss and Trauma, please call 623.979.1000 or visit us online at http://www.centerforlossandtrauma.com. For information on the MISS Foundation’s services, please visithttp://www.missfoundation.org and the MISS Foundation’sPSA can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeHZuuohm-4.

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Center for Loss and Trauma - MISS Press Release

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Survivors of Suicide, November 21, 2009

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I follow some blogs.

Many relate to grief, parental loss, the struggle of everyday life, parenting, art, cooking and crafts.

I love to read what my friends share with me. This is taken from my dearest friend Kara, Kota's mom.

Suicide leaves a lot of unanswered questions inside the loved ones of the person that couldn't take his/her pain anymore and decided to end it. I am not talking about ending his/her life, I believe that those that attempt suicide just want their internal pain to stop, one way or another.

I am a survivor of suicide. A dear family member killed himself when I was 11 years old. Obviously, the fact that he had died by his own hands was kept from me until I was 18 years old. That was when my world shattered for the first time. I loved him dearly and I know he loved us more than life itself, so you can imagine that I couldn't comprehend why he killed himself. It took me a lot of grief work (repressed for 7 years) and a lot of therapy to make my brain understand the why's and to let my heart forgive him and the rest of the family for his death.

If you or anyone you know are survivors of suicide loss, please take into account the following information:

On Saturday, November 21, 2009, simultaneous conferences for survivors of suicide loss will take place throughout the U.S. and internationally. This unique network of healing conferences helps survivors connect with others who have survived the tragedy of suicide loss, and express and understand the powerful emotions they experience.

Each conference site is organized locally, but they’re all connected in spirit as participants across the globe watch a special 90-minuteAFSP broadcast together on that day. In the U.S., conference sites will show the broadcast together from 1-2:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time and international sites will show it from 1-2:30 p.m. local time. Many conference sites plan their own local programs around the broadcast, including panels and breakout groups, all aimed at helping survivors heal.

For those survivors of suicide loss who don't live near a conference site or who find it difficult to attend in person, the 90-minute broadcast will also be available live on the AFSP website from 1-2:30 pm, Eastern Standard Time, with a live online chat immediately following the program. It will then be saved on the website so that survivors can watch it again throughout the year at anytime. For more information see the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

http://www.afsp.org

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Butterflies & Dragonflies

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The tragedy of child death leaves the family in a profound chaos.

It doesn't matter the age of the child at the time of death or the cause of death. Each family member has to work hard to redefine him or herself, to find their new role within the family and to find a way to survive.

Little by little, as the first months go by and the emotional anesthesia draws away, the bereaved parents search for new ways to reconnect with their dead child... maybe because they are not ready to say good bye, maybe because love trascends death.

Paraphrasing Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, death is the final liberation from the cocoon, the butterfly is free to open its wings and fly away.

It is curious how bereaved parents, from different cultures and from different parts of the world, identify the presence of butterflies - and in some cases, of dragonflies - as special visits from their dead child.

I know that for many strain from the subculture of parental bereavement, this idea is completely deranged, but who are we to judge how a parent copes with the death of their beloved child?

Wouldn't it be more compassionate not to judge and appreciate the beauty that nature offers?

Every time you see a butterfly near you, with its beautiful colors, imagine that someone who is not physical presence is saying hi.

When you see a dragonfly, with its transparent wings and its color body, flying erratic nearby, think of a kiss someone special is sending you from above.

Open your heart and close your mind for a bit... remember: love is stronger than death.

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October 15th - Infant and Child Death Awareness Day

There is no greatest tragedy than the death of a child.

The terrible reality of child death is one that many families experience everyday. It does not matter the circumstances of death and the age the child had at time of death.

That family is facing the horror of burying their child. We are used to believe that our children are supposed to survive us, not the other way around.

My older children died before their time. For a long time I believed that I was alone in my grief. Those close to me, turned their eyes away at the sight of my tears. My world had stopped, why everyone wanted me to move on?

One sleepless night, while surfing the Web, I found the most compassionate woman I have ever met: Dr. Joanne Cacciatore. She grant me permission to translate some of her writings. That is how I came in touch with The MISS Foundation.

I have been given the opportunity to reach out and give back the support I received back then, in my early grief.

I have been a MISS Volunteer for the past 11 years of my life. I found my MISSion: I am the voice of those three little babies that died before their time.

I am thankful to all those families that have allowed me to walk with them through their grief journey. I am honored to share their most intimate feelings and thoughts. I am honored to meet their children through their loving parents' eyes.

I am thankful for the MISS Foundation for letting me give back. I am thankful for the wonderful people I've met, my dear friends Kara, Janice, Debbie, Lissy, Wendy, Kerrie, Tracy, Lorri, Rhonda, Karin, Sinead, Tazzy, Vicki, Sharon, Shanon, Kelli, Anna, Michele, and so many others.

I am thankful to Dr. Cacciatore, for having the strength to reach out after tragedy stoke her hard.

I am thankful for Chey, for sharing her special mom with the rest of the world.

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MISS-ing Ingredients Cookbook deadline extended

GREAT NEWS: The MISSing Ingredients Cookbook Deadline Extended

MISSing Ingredients: A Re-member-ing Cookbook

MISS is creating a hard cover re-member-ing cookbook, and we need your

recipes and memories/dedications in honor of your children to be a part of this publication.

The original deadline has been extended. We don’t know for exactly how long as we have secret celebrities who have also agreed to participate. We are excited to report that these special celebrities who are sharing their recipes and dedications AND we also have additional sponsors, which allows us to make a bigger and better cookbook!

100% of the proceeds to benefit MISS!

For those of you who have already submitted your recipes and dedications in the last couple of weeks, THANK YOU!!

And for those of you who submitted your recipes a few years ago, send me an email. I did receive a list of those recipes, but I want to be sure that I have yours.

Take a look at the MISSing Ingredients Cookbook Cover designed by Kara Jones,http://motherhenna.com/miss_cookbook_cover.html

There is NO FEE to submit your recipe and memory!!

Recipe Submission Instructions:

1. Visit http://www.fundcraft.com

2. Enter WEB ID: 13500-09VA

(a password is not required)

3. Click on "Short/cut Online"

4. Select (2) in drop down for # of parts in multi-part recipe

5. Select menu category from drop down

6. Enter Recipe Title

7. Enter Ingredients

8. Enter Recipe directions in Method section

9. Title your Memory in the Part 2 Subheading

10. Skip Ingredients section of Part 2

11. Enter your dedication in the second Method section

12. Hit Submit

***YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE A CONFIRMATION THAT YOUR RECIPE HAS BEEN SUCCESSFULLY RECEIVED****

(the software isn’t designed to provide a confirmation, if you have a question as to whether your recipe was received email:Kathy.sandler@missfoundation.org)

Frustrated, confused, it just doesn't make sense???? Email your recipe and

memory to: kathy.sandler@missfoundation.org

You can PRE-ORDER your copies now! Cookbooks will be mailed directly to you!

Visit the MISS Store at: http://www.missfoundation.org/miss_shop/catalog.html?&Vl=1&Tp=2

Cost of cookbook: $15/copy + $5 s/h

(100% proceeds to benefit MISS Foundation)

For additional information and downloadable PDF flyer here:

http://missfoundation.org/events/Events_2009CookbookFlyerWithInstructions.pdf

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