Christa Bowen (1975 - 2010)

Image by Walt Jabsco via Flickr

Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

William Faulkner

Last Wednesday, I received a tragic email. I was sitting with my big boy, reading a book, when the light in my Blackberry began blinking. He noticed first and I read the message.

It stated that one of my MISSters, Christa Bown, died two days prior.

As shock numb my mind, I raced downstairs to call Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, CEO and founder of The MISS Foundation. I just needed to hear her voice, sobbing, to know that it was true.

She was 35. She was exiting the parking lot of a grocery store when she was killed in a car crash. A senseless tragedy, without a doubt.

I met Christa many years ago. I was already a moderator for The MISS Foundation Online Support Groups when she joined. Her precious daughters, Caitlyn and Alexa died.

I remember her excruciating pain. She loved her girls so much. I was honored to know those precious little girls through their loving mom.

Even when she was in the pit, she would always reach out to others. Her compassion never lessened.

Then she became pregnant with her twins, Tyler and Austin. Her joy for having her baby boys in her arms was palpable through her words. Each shared milestone, each anecdote brought a smile to my face.

Christa had a great sense of humor. Her wit made me laugh so hard, she brightened many of my days.

Christa was a great friend. She was always there for me, even though we never met in person. But we knew each other. We shared the worst pain and the merriest joy. We sat in the pit together and then helped each other out of the hole of sorrow. Our grief over the death of our children formed an unbreakable bond between us.

She reached out to others in grief more than 9 500 times on the MISS Support Groups, plus many, many times in a more private way.

She was a thoughtful and caring friend. I cannot imagine anyone that knew her, didn't got transformed by that little, intelligent, loving, blonde beauty.

I know she touched my life in a profound way. I am a better person because of her.

As John Taylor said: While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet her behind the veil.

I know she now holds her precious girls in her loving arms, forever.

I am certain that many, many precious children gathered together to greet her.

Dearest Christa, thank YOU for touching my life, for being my friend. You will always be loved and MISSed. Rest in peace.

Friendship

Image by gilderic via Flickr

We spent Christmas with my brother and his lovely family.

We left their home and their company on the 26th, to Eastern Texas, to our second home.

Big boy has been obsessed asking his dad and I about our friends from each stage of our life.

We were sharing with our kids about friendship and the different friends we've made along the way.

I told him about my elementary school friends, some of whom I am blessed to still be friends with as we have continued our friendship through life. They have shared my best and my worst. Our lives have moved to different directions, but we still have that special connection of knowing each other for more than three decades.

I also shared that I made beautiful friends during my ballet years. I haven't seen them, but I hold them close to my heart.

Then we moved to Law School friends. Dh and I share many from those years as we went together to Law School. My dear friend Tere now lives in Spain and my dear friend María José lives in the same city, but family life has gotten in the way of us meeting more frequently, although we love each other dearly.

We talked about some of their friends' moms, whom have become friends of mine. We have shared watching our own children grow and blossom. We share many values that we want to pass on to our children and friendship helps.

We arrived home. There, on our mailbox, was a little box for me. I opened it and I found a beautiful angel ornament from my dear friend Sharon. Even though the lateness of the hour, I still had to share more about my friends with my children.

I have met the most amazing women and men through grief. The death of my own children placed me in a sub-culture no one wants to belong to. I was to reach out in pain and met the most wonderful people on earth.

I had to talk about my MISS friends. I am blessed to have met many of them. Still, I haven't met - face to face - most of them. These are the most compassionate, loving people you could ever meet. We have shared the worst pain we have experienced and we are there for each other. We would willingly through ourselves into the pit of sorrow, to cyber-hold each other hand and slowly and gently get out of there to face another day.

Together, we have learned to take one day at a time, sometimes, just remember to breath in and breath out.

We have learned to live life again, even amidst the pain. We have learned to laugh and enjoy our time on earth the best way we can.

We share grief and rage and happiness and memories. But most important of all, we share our beautiful children.

I know I have said this before, but I am honored beyond words to have met these great children through the eyes of their loving parents.

It was time to go to bed. The children were yawning and tired.

Thank you, thank YOU my dear friends for making my life better. Thank YOU for filling it with love and compassion and grief and joy. Thank YOU for still being there for me, after all these years.

Thank YOU Sharon, this post is dedicated to the beautiful memory of smiling, gorgeous Shelby.

Love and Marriage

Image by ronsho © via Flickr

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine got married.

We weren't able to attend, but I was there in spirit, be sure of that.

This beautiful lady - inside and out - is full of love. The love she has for her children is palpable. The love she feels for her second daughter, Cheyenne, made her reach out to others through her grief and founded The MISS Foundation.

I am honored to know her five children. I am honored to know her. I am honored to call her friend. She is like a sister to me.

I know that D will make her happy. Who wouldn't be happy spending the rest of his life with such a caring, loving, compassionate lady?

Dearest Jo, may you and D find in each other your soul partner, may your lives be full of love and happiness. I love you dearly.