Friendship

Image by gilderic via Flickr

We spent Christmas with my brother and his lovely family.

We left their home and their company on the 26th, to Eastern Texas, to our second home.

Big boy has been obsessed asking his dad and I about our friends from each stage of our life.

We were sharing with our kids about friendship and the different friends we've made along the way.

I told him about my elementary school friends, some of whom I am blessed to still be friends with as we have continued our friendship through life. They have shared my best and my worst. Our lives have moved to different directions, but we still have that special connection of knowing each other for more than three decades.

I also shared that I made beautiful friends during my ballet years. I haven't seen them, but I hold them close to my heart.

Then we moved to Law School friends. Dh and I share many from those years as we went together to Law School. My dear friend Tere now lives in Spain and my dear friend María José lives in the same city, but family life has gotten in the way of us meeting more frequently, although we love each other dearly.

We talked about some of their friends' moms, whom have become friends of mine. We have shared watching our own children grow and blossom. We share many values that we want to pass on to our children and friendship helps.

We arrived home. There, on our mailbox, was a little box for me. I opened it and I found a beautiful angel ornament from my dear friend Sharon. Even though the lateness of the hour, I still had to share more about my friends with my children.

I have met the most amazing women and men through grief. The death of my own children placed me in a sub-culture no one wants to belong to. I was to reach out in pain and met the most wonderful people on earth.

I had to talk about my MISS friends. I am blessed to have met many of them. Still, I haven't met - face to face - most of them. These are the most compassionate, loving people you could ever meet. We have shared the worst pain we have experienced and we are there for each other. We would willingly through ourselves into the pit of sorrow, to cyber-hold each other hand and slowly and gently get out of there to face another day.

Together, we have learned to take one day at a time, sometimes, just remember to breath in and breath out.

We have learned to live life again, even amidst the pain. We have learned to laugh and enjoy our time on earth the best way we can.

We share grief and rage and happiness and memories. But most important of all, we share our beautiful children.

I know I have said this before, but I am honored beyond words to have met these great children through the eyes of their loving parents.

It was time to go to bed. The children were yawning and tired.

Thank you, thank YOU my dear friends for making my life better. Thank YOU for filling it with love and compassion and grief and joy. Thank YOU for still being there for me, after all these years.

Thank YOU Sharon, this post is dedicated to the beautiful memory of smiling, gorgeous Shelby.

Me, the seasonal single mom

Image by _setev via Flickr

I am very lucky to have been married for nearly 13 years.

As all marriages, we have had our good, our bad and our worst moments, but mainly it has been a great decision to share our lives with each other.

We got married believing firmly that we were meant to be with each other for the rest of our lives. We have tried to fulfill such believe.

Five years ago, we bought a second home in another Country. We bought it knowing that we would be spending here as much time as we could, giving our children the possibility to experience, first hand, the way of life of other people, to broaden their horizons, to learn a new language.

At the begining, it was very difficult for me to be with three children under the age of 4 by myself for long periods of time. My mom came and my dh tried to spend more time with us.

Now that our children are 8, 7 and 6 years old, things are easier for me as a mom. But it is begining to be difficult for me as a wife to see my husband come for a weekend every two weeks and leave again.

I know that he has to work hard. His job and his expertise at it, is what allows us to have the life style we have. I don't earn a penny, no matter if I teach or not, my salary is an embarrassment to all salaries. I know that his job is only possible in our Country and that is why he has to go back... but still, it is hard not to be with him.

Don't get me wrong, it is not only the intimacy thing here. When we are at home, he is dad and I am mom and we do our best to raise the kids. He goes to work early in the morning and comes back to have lunch with us and then gets back at night. I get up early, very early. Get the kids ready for school, drive them and then all the things we SAHM do. I also do my volunteer work at home. I go to pick up the kids, drive home for lunch, help them with their homework, oversee their computer time, their TV time, their Wii time, see they eat well, get them to bed and wait for my dh to arrive home.

While we are here though, things are different. We have a routine when dh is not here: we get up, eat breakfast, the kids help me with their beds and dirty laundry, drive the kids to daycamp, get back, get lunch started, do some housework, go pick the kids back, get home, have a late lunch - early dinner, see that they get a shower at least, watch some TV together, do some summer homework, go to bed.

When my husband comes home it is like Christmas in July: no routine, no order, no helping with house chores, unmade beds, eating outside, going very late to bed, toys everywhere.

It is not that I am complaining about the mess, I am grateful for the kids' mess. I am grateful that he comes for a weekend.

Still, this is not the way I like my life to be. I am a summer single mom and I don't like it at all. I want my family together, everyday.

I know we made this choice together, but it is hard not to be together.

The teadiousness of housework

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever noticed that housework always goes amiss?

If you do it, no one will notice. But if you stop cleaning your house, just for one lousy day, everyone will realize how filthy it is.

Everyday the same list has to be crossed out: dishes, clothes, bathrooms, kitchen, bedrooms, dining room, living room, food, etc. Then, there is an extra list that pops out from time to time: windows, garage, closets, pantry, oven, fridge... You name it!

And we all have our own routine. I have tried different ways to do the same things everyday, but they are tedious, no matter how much I use a cleaner's new fragrance to change things a bit.

I think back to my mom's times. Those ladies used to have their houses clean, even though they didn't have the appliances we do have now. I grew up used to a clean house, a hot meal (three times a day), and washed and pressed clothes. I never thought of all the hard work my mom put into it, until I had to do it.

I haven't cleaned the house as I usually do. I have swipe and mopped the kitchen and the bathrooms. I have put the dishes into the dishwasher and taken them out promptly. I have loaded the washer and the dryer every day and then folded everyone's clothes after the buzz went off.

I haven't used the vacuum cleaner, cleaned the windows, tidy my kids' rooms or even attempted to press a single item of clothes.

I am on vacation and I am entitled to take a break!

I am also conscious that this is a break: I don't want my kids to get used to the dirty mess. I want them to learn to enjoy a clean, tidy environment so when they have their own place, they, at least, try to keep it as clean as possible. On the other hand : I cannot live permanently in the mess we are currently.

I am not a cleaning freak, I promise I am not. But I do believe that good habits begin early in life and somethings you just learn through your pores, and your nose.

Ah and one more tip before I forget: if someone does the cleaning for you, even once, please appreciate their hard work and say Thank You