Thirteen years

Image by spiderflux via Flickr

Grief changes shape,

but it never ends.

-Keanu Reeves

I remember April 6th, 1997 as if it was yesterday.

My husband had been gone for 2 weeks in a trip and I was pregnant with our first baby. I was at the beginning of the second trimester.

My mom picked me up early that day. We went to buy flowers and she helped me to fill our small condo with them. We had lunch together and we made plans for the little one I was expecting. We talked about what I would do when he was born, I was still teaching at a Law School and I was planning to leave him with her while at school.

She left me in the evening and I got ready to pick my husband at the airport.

I bought some water and sat down waiting for his plane to land. I went to the bathroom and noticed the red blood.

I called my ob-gyn and he said to stay put and called him the next day if I was still bleeding.

The bleeding got heavier. I remember watching my husband arrive and walking as slow as possible. The tears began to flow as I told him what was happening. His excited face turned into horror.

We went home and we called the doctor again. He prescribed some hormones. My husband went to buy them. They did the trick.

Around 4:00 am, I felt the urge to run the bathroom. There was blood everywhere. I called my husband and we called the doctor again.

He saw us around 7:00 am. He did an ultrasound, there was nothing left of our baby.

I was numb. We went to the movies, not wanting to think or to feel. Avoiding reality the best we could.

I cried my eyes out that day.

The next day, my husband went to work and I the pain started. I couldn't breathe. I called him and my mom. I don't know who called the dr.

I was rushed to the hospital and had a D&C done that afternoon. Part of the placenta was responsible for the labor pains I experienced. We learned from it that we lost our dear son.

Thirteen years have passed since that tragedy.

Dearest Cesar, you are always in my heart and in my mind. I love you beyond death and I MISS you beyond words. Until we meet again my dear one.